| Rank | Legend | Votes | Average |
|---|
| 1 | Bob Saget invented the "glory hole" when he cut a hole into wall of his little sister's bedroom. | 48 | 8.83 |
| 2 | Bob Saget actually grew a second dick, just so he could double stuff your grandma without grandpa finding out! | 45 | 8.78 |
| 3 | On the set of Full House, Bob Saget played the role of Danny Tanner. His dick, played the Golden Gate Bridge. | 215 | 8.46 |
| 4 | Bob Saget refers to the eyesocket as "Eleventh Base"... Bases from sixth to tenth are Bob's well-guarded secret, usually because it involves the death of the hooker, before or after the act itself... | 51 | 8.41 |
| 5 | Bob Saget showed me a video of him having sex with my wife. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. | 49 | 8.31 |
| 6 | Bob Saget can only get an erection if his sexual partner has Down's Syndrome. | 52 | 8.27 |
| 7 | If you go into your bathroom, turn off the lights and say "Full House" three times, Bob Saget will jump out of your mirror and skull fuck your little sister. | 67 | 8.22 |
| 8 | Bob Saget doesn't consider it sex if the woman isn't brutally wounded. | 48 | 8.17 |
| 9 | Bob Saget ran a short lived campaign for President in 1996 until a video surfaced which showed him slapping his cock in the Olson twin's faces while shitting on a dead nun with a pentagram carved in her nude chest, and then snorting coke off of his own cock, giving himself oral sex, opening his refrigerator to reveal severed heads of holocaust victims, then jerking off all over a boy scout troop.
Saget withdrew from the race citing concerns that "the other video" would surface. | 57 | 8.11 |
| 10 | Bob Saget has had anal sex with all of the Golden Girls. | 46 | 8.09 |
| 11 | In the movie Donnie Darko, Donnie asks how does one suck a fuck? Bob Saget knows the answer to that question | 52 | 8.06 |
| 12 | Bob Saget types with his cock. | 73 | 7.97 |
| 13 | The Bob Saget signature shocker- "Two in the Pink. A Fist in the Stink." | 47 | 7.87 |
| 14 | Once an innocent child asked if he could call Bob Saget "Bobby". there was an awkward moment of silence just before Bob vomited donkey marrow on the helpless child and then proceeded to blood-rape the child's father to hell just for even talking to him. | 49 | 7.86 |
| 15 | When caught masturbating furiously over Hillary Clinton's dead body, Bob Saget's only comment was, "I do have some standards." | 54 | 7.85 |
| 16 | Bob Saget donkey-punched the Olsen Twins in 1988. | 56 | 7.84 |
| 17 | Bob Saget doesn't teabag the ladies. He potatosacks them. | 49 | 7.82 |
| 18 | Once in kindergarden Bob Saget brought a dead hooker to show and tell. | 148 | 7.76 |
| 19 | While at the height of Full House's popularity, Bob Saget was known as "America's Dad." That's probably because he fucked all of your moms. | 56 | 7.73 |
| 20 | Mary-Kate lost her virginity to Bob Saget sometime early in the second season of Full House. Ashley finally gave in to his advances during the middle of the third season. | 56 | 7.73 |
| 21 | Bob Saget is the cause of all of the Olsen Twins problems, where do you think they got the drugs? | 49 | 7.71 |
| 22 | Dave Coulier isn't thinking of Alanis Morisette when he fucks anybody. He's thinking of Bob Saget. | 48 | 7.69 |
| 23 | Bob Saget gave Mother Teresa crabs. | 48 | 7.65 |
| 24 | My wife said Bob Saget's cock is so big it hardly fit in her ass | 59 | 7.64 |
| 25 | Full House is actually the name of a sexual maneuver Bob Saget invented where he sticks his entire cock and balls into a hookers mouth. To this day Bob Saget cannot believe this coincidence. | 163 | 7.63 |
| 26 | Bob Saget always wears a condom, even when the girl is too young to get pregnant. | 46 | 7.63 |
| 27 | If you play the theme song to Full House backwards it says "Bob Saget slaps his dick in old women's faces and pinches little girls' tits . . . Satan." | 68 | 7.60 |
| 28 | Bob Saget's youtube page is flagged for inappropriate content once every 20 seconds. "One day, America will come to embrace true tolerance," Bob said, "and see that pedo-necrophilia is an acceptable alternative lifestyle choice." | 67 | 7.60 |
| 29 | Bob Saget loves visiting nursing homes--mostly because of the hand jobs from the Parkinson's patients. | 76 | 7.58 |
| 30 | Bob Saget to John Stamos- "I'm going to bend over and when I give the signal start fucking." | 57 | 7.54 |
