Here’s Bob doing his act many years ago.

Sometimes when he’s fucking you, Bob forgets to pull out and come all over your face. Sure, he only likes it in the ass, but his load is so massive that a few thousand sperm are bound to end up in your hoo-ha anyway. For those times, there’s the Obey Saget Maternity Shirt. Display the face of the baby’s real father right where it lives.

July 7–21, get 15% off maternity shirts with coupon code BABY208

Now available in the Obey Saget store: Obey Saget underwear.

It’s late at night. You’ve had three cosmos and two mangotinis. He’s been checking you out for hours. When you fell off your bar stool he grabbed your boob as he helped you up. You pretended not to notice. He offers to buy you breakfast. You don’t get it. “Sure!” you say, “but I’d rather have sex.” In the bathroom stall he pulls up your skirt and bends you over… only to discover he’s too late.

Bob’s tapped that ass already.

Also available in cooter-printed varieties