Bob Saget’s Comedy Central Roast will air this Sunday August 17 at 10pm (9pm Central). It’ll be nice to see an actual comedian get roasted after a string of noted non-comics including Pamela Anserson, Flavor Flav, and Jeff Foxworthy.

Comedy Central has posted a few clips from the show. First up, Cloris Leachman and her dirty, dirty mouth.

Greg Giraldo appears to have written this stuff himself.

And finally, Jeffrey Ross dips into that deep Olsen Twins well.

Summer’s almost over. You wasted most of June playing GTA IV, and half of July trying to convince your girlfriend at camp to let you touch her breasts. Not just on top of the shirt but under the bra. It does too make a difference.

But now you have to start thinking about that summer reading they assigned. The Great Gatsby looks boring, but at least it’s thin. You’d rent the movie, but it’s not out on Blu-Ray yet. And plus that guy from Law & Order is in it, which is weird.

What better way to enrich that very special ennui of the last days of summer than a big goofy Bob Saget smiling on your chest?

And how about a matching shirt for that special lady? If you spring for the more expensive (and sweatshop free) American Apparel shirt, you just might get to third base.

August 1–25th, get 25% off any purchase of 2 or more items. Just enter coupon code SCHOOL308

Danny Tanner had some real angst.

Here’s Bob doing his act many years ago.

Sometimes when he’s fucking you, Bob forgets to pull out and come all over your face. Sure, he only likes it in the ass, but his load is so massive that a few thousand sperm are bound to end up in your hoo-ha anyway. For those times, there’s the Obey Saget Maternity Shirt. Display the face of the baby’s real father right where it lives.

July 7–21, get 15% off maternity shirts with coupon code BABY208

Now available in the Obey Saget store: Obey Saget underwear.

It’s late at night. You’ve had three cosmos and two mangotinis. He’s been checking you out for hours. When you fell off your bar stool he grabbed your boob as he helped you up. You pretended not to notice. He offers to buy you breakfast. You don’t get it. “Sure!” you say, “but I’d rather have sex.” In the bathroom stall he pulls up your skirt and bends you over… only to discover he’s too late.

Bob’s tapped that ass already.

Also available in cooter-printed varieties

Now until February 7, all orders in the Obey Saget store over $18 are 14% off. Just enter coupon code LOVE08.

Nothing says “Let’s do it in the butt this Valentine’s Day!” better than Bob Saget grinning on your chest. As an added bonus, our extra-black t-shirts will hide the stains of your disgusting lovemaking. Whether it’s semen, blood, vaginal secretions, shit, or more semen, it all comes out in the wash.*

*This is not a guarantee. Your particularly filthy brand of lovemaking will probably cause permanent stains. You disgusting pervert.

Obey Saget merchandise makes the perfect holiday gift. Get a shirt for your least-favorite moody nephew. He’ll shrug and grunt when he unwraps the present, and he won’t look you in the eyes when his mom makes him mumble a half-hearted “thank you,” but he’ll be thanking you in his head when his new favorite shirt gets him a handjob from that goth chick he sits behind in Civics class.

Get your nephew a handjob, and save some dough at the same time. Just use coupon code XMAS07XXL at checkout and get free shipping on all the Obey Saget merchandise you order between December 12th and 14th.

I’ve added a bunch of new Obey Saget products today, including a snazzy apron:

And a sleeveless hoodie:

And you still have until September 15 for free shipping. Just enter SCHOOL07 in the coupon code on checkout.

Let’s face it, those of us who Obey Saget aren’t gozillionaires like Bob is. We could use a break. And for the next 15 days you’ve got one! Free standard shipping on all products in the Obey Saget store. Going away to college? The #1 way to assure you’ll get laid is if you’re carrying a snazzy Obey Saget messenger bag.

Just enter the secret code “SCHOOL07″ on checkout and it’ll be the same price you would pay in one of our Obey Saget superstores.